Here’s my goal with this editorial. I’m going to tell a story about cancer, and you are going to, at the very least, smile at the end. About twenty years ago, my mother worked at a restaurant in Glendale (actually, right next door to Shotgun Willie’s current location). One of her coworkers, a guy named Dave, was apparently the friendliest guy you could ever meet waiting tables in the center of Glendale. Well, in the way that bad things always happen to good people, Dave quit his job; not because he was tired of serving the customers that he had known for years, but because he was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer. “What will you do?” I remember my mom asking him, tears in her eyes. “I’m going to Mexico,” Dave replied, simply. After selling all his possessions, and buying a one-way plane ticket, Dave’s initial plan would be to live out the rest of his projected life renting out a beach bungalow, soaking in the rays, and drinking enough tequila to make his Mexican friends blush. About a week into his beach stay, Dave sat alone on the beach, the sun just rising above the sandy hills behind him. Out in the distance, about two hundred yards from shore, Dave saw a crate floating in the water, softly being pulled inland by the ocean current. Curiosity got the better of Dave, as he removed his clothing, and dove into the salty water to investigate. After a bit of heaving and tugging, he was able to get the giant crate onto the beach. A crowbar and some effort later, the waterlogged wooden crate was picked open, and inside was something Dave could never expect to find. Seven bags, tightly wrapped, each containing two pounds of marijuana, that was apparently en route to the States. “Well, I have the rest of my life planned out,” Dave proclaimed to the abandoned beach with a sigh and a smile. This got me thinking: what better way to spend your time, than sitting on a tropical beach, smoking ganja that washed right up you? So, if I’m tasked with describing the vibe of a store, this is the story that kept playing like a movie in my head while spending some time in Kind Pain Management in Lakewood, Colorado. It’s a store with crunchy tropical vibes, a small and welcoming atmosphere, with very affordable products that will keep you wanting to come back.
The number of dispensaries in Lakewood is sadly underwhelming, because of the current laws restricting recreational marijuana in the city. Unlike other dispensaries I’ve visited, I was able to walk right up to the product counters with my medical marijuana card, rather than wait in some secluded waiting room. The dispensary itself is only one room, with soft wooden floors, and bamboo wall hangings around the room. Every piece of art in the dispensary revolves around that island theme, chock full of palm trees, sea turtles, or Hawaiian tiki masks. A giant clock on the far wall of the dispensary is set perpetually to 4:20, which is definitely a good sign. Collie Buddz came on the store radio, and not wanting to seem like a “Bumboclaat Rude Boy”, I calypso-danced my way to the counter to see Kind Pain Management’s product offerings. My budtender, Mekayla, reached immediately for the store’s ice hash, made by Trichome Heavy Extracts. The store’s plants are fresh frozen and hand trimmed, producing a very high quality (and extraordinarily flavorful) hash. The store also offers some varieties of shatter from TerpX, which can be all yours for only $35 as a member ($40 for you nonmembers out there). Typically, the dispensary also carries some BHO from Colorado Concentrates, but there were none on the shelves during my visit.
Next, Mekayla showed me around the dispensary’s bud selection. Fortunately, to help guide users on deciding what strain might be good for them, the dispensary has a binder with full descriptions of all of the strains that they grow. At the time of my visit, the dispensary had thirteen of their strains available. “I normally like strains on either extreme end of the indica and sativa spectrum,” Mekayla said as she pulled out the Hash Plant and the Sour Diesel. Of course, a strong indica, and an even stronger sativa, both with extremely recognizable smells. Hash Plant is known for its strong earthy and spicy lemon scent, almost as if you sprayed some Pinesol at a mound of dirt. Sour Diesel has a very strong gasoline scent, hence its name, and is certainly an east coast favorite in terms of a get-up-and-clean-your-shit weed. At medical dispensaries, I also pay attention to strains that are specifically tailored for different afflictions, especially those with high CBD content. Fortunately, the dispensary carries Harlequin, which tested at 4.6% CBD. While the dispensary really doesn’t have a system in place to prescribe certain strains for certain maladies yet, the budtenders are keeping track of how certain strains help treat different diseases and conditions. Admittedly, the approach doesn’t seem very objective, but it is a start. One of the better traits to the dispensary’s flower is the price. All strains, regardless of potency, weigh in at $25 for the eighth, and $175 for the ounce. However, each day the dispensary puts two strains on special for $125 for the ounce. Not bad!
The dispensary is stocked full of edibles with varying purposes. For those patients seeking the pain relief of CBD, without the mind-altering effects of THC, pick up a Canna Chew, which has 35 mg of CBD, and zero THC for only $10. Thirsty? The same company makes Canna Elixirs. You can grab 25 mg of CBD in delicious soda form for only $10 (or $8 if you come in on Thirsty Thursday!). The dispensary also carries several options of classic THC-rich treats as well. You can grab the THC Canna Chew, which is packed with 200 mg of THC, or the Canna Elixir, which has 100 mg of THC to the bottle. That’s certainly one way to make a root beer float a lot more interesting. Kind Pain Management also has a few classics, from Blue Kudu, Dabba, IncrEdibles, and Cheeba Chews. While their edible selection was not overly incredible, the dispensary carries a strong variety of sweets that will be sure to get you where you want to go. As far as smoking devices go, the dispensary carries several small glass pipes, and a handful of larger bongs and dab rigs. You’ll also be sure to find several discreet and clever vape pens for sell, with attachments for wax or shatter. Delicious.
I want to believe Dave lived out the rest of his days on some Mexican beach, smoking some contraband that flipped overboard, and landed squarely on his beach. I have no way to prove that such a story could possibly ever happen, but it’s a story my mother tells me every time we talk about her time at her old restaurant, or every time we talk about Mexico, or every time we talk about a beach. It’s the kind of story that makes you feel really bad for the guy, but then give a solid “Hell yeah,” at the little bone fortune threw his way. Kind Pain Management captures the beach vacation vibe perfectly. What perfect way to spend a day on the beach? It’s the kind of dispensary that will, in your mind, send you to Hawaii (or Mexico), with a pocket full of rolling papers and some pakalolo, complete with the laid-back vibes and friendly one-on-one service you’d expect.
If you get an opportunity to visit Kind Pain Management of Lakewood, Colorado, let them know you heard of them through the Dope Directory, and please give them a rating.