Back when I was a wee lad in the swampy corn bogs of Indiana, in the time of yore 2007, I shan’t ever forget the third time I ever indulged in what the hip cool called “chronic”. The sort of buds that were miraculously free of seeds, alien bits of god-knows-what, and the taste of a ditch filled with the ash of a moldy tree. That infamous third time was allegedly none other than the brashly named Green Crack. The sweet love child of the old school strains afghani, mexico, columbia, (which make up Skunk #1) and a nice little base indica, just to keep things interesting. Strange how parent strains that are mostly indica dominant have bred this cerebral beauty. It’s like the perfect combination of uplifting and calming, sort of like the old school 4locos with it’s caffeine and alcohol; except you know, not horrifying. The complexity of this fine breed makes up for one of the most interesting and sought after highs in the business today.
If you’re looking to pick up a batch of Green Crack for yourself then you need to swing Smokin Gun Apothecary in Glendale, Colorado. This batch of Green Crack came from the brand new S.G.A. Reserve at Smokin Gun. S.G.A. Reserve strains incorporate everything from classic strains like Green Crack, to brand new genetics like their Dunafon Diesel, named in honor of Mayor Mike Dunafon of Glendale Colorado. S.G.A. Reserve strains have tested as high as 33.58% THC, so it’s understandable why Green Crack packs so much oomph. Whether it’s early in the morning, or late at night, Smokin Gun Apothecary is open from 8:00 until midnight, seven days a week providing flower, edibles, concentrates and marijuana accessories to Glendale, Denver, and Aurora.
Green Crack :: Appearance | Smell:
The smell. Oh that smell. You know the one I am talking about. That nostalgic smell that reminds you of better times. The aroma that tells you, without a shadow of a doubt, that you are about to enjoy something top tier, like walking into an award winning bakery. That unmistakable fusion of citrus-heavy pine as if you’re sticking your head into a mixed barrel of fresh chinook and amarillo hops, the equally tantalizing and sexy cousin of cannabis. Other than the road kill skunk smell you breath in while giggling in your parent’s back seat, It is the base smell that comes to mind when you think good weed, not necessarily the most individualistic but the farthest thing away from a bad thing. And yet, the longer you linger, nose hovering lovingly over your jar, a deeper aroma begins to manifest. A tender funkiness that is usually indicative of indicas appears as a mysterious secret ingredient of sorts.
“But how?!” your curious minds interjects, “Green Crack is one of the most famous heady Sativas around!”
As I mentioned above, therein lies the beauty of modern genetics and the masterful art of crossbreeding. With the Indica heavy characteristics of its parent breeds, you get the finest attributes of the structures of it’s mama and papa plants while maintaining its individuality. Sort of like the modern pop-funk band Turkuaz; dancy, fast and fun, yet unmistakably funk, combining all of the great things you look for when selecting what to fill your left handed cigarettes with. This seemingly yin and yang make-up carries even farther when describing the strains appearance and beautiful structure. Unlike most sativas —with their wispy and fragile configuration— the buds of Green Crack are typically, but not always, dense little bombs of goodness. As an Indica man myself, the little grenade nugs are where the heart of my fingers lie. The close-hugging trichomes giving it that almost comically frosty look that you tend to, well, look for. The coppery-red pistils that careen and tightly loop their way through GC are the time-honored icing on the marijuana cake. Occasionally each bud is peppered with darker leaves which give it a nice unique color scheme. As with most buds in our high desert wonderland of the Rocky Mountains the buds tend to be crispy and ready to break up without the aid of a grinder. It does leave the fine powdery, sticky residue that does in fact relinquish some trichomes and a few flowery bits, but that is one of those guilty pleasures in the weed smoking world not unlike the cheesy fingers you get from devouring an entire giant bag of doritos.
Green Crack :: Smoke | Effect:
Because of the characteristic dryness of Colorado greenery, it breaks up into a nice, fine powder consistency that fills up your pipe like sand in a bucket. The initial burn is undeviating and smooth. That first taste hits your tongue with love, an unmistakable herbaceousness that that stays roundly with you for the whole experience. It tastes the way a delicately grown flower and herb garden smells, fresh and of nature. Pure and exactly what you search for in a good sativa. The familiar pressure, and almost spicy airiness, that fills your lungs slaps a unrelenting smile across your soon to be elevated face. The exhale is where its explicit intricacies righteously shine. Mango, passionfruit, and other tropical sweet notes which make the flavor of Green Crack famous smack you in the back of the tongue and throughout the entirety of the retronasal olfactory system.
*WARNING: SCIENCE SIDEBAR* the human olfactory system is broken into two separate systems; the Ortho and Retro nasal systems. The orthonasal system describes the aromas you pick up while actually using your nose. The smells of roses or of freshly fallen rain are detected by the orthonasal system. The retronasal system is how you taste food or beer or coffee. It uses flavor receptors located in the throat and in your sinus system. You know when you have a gnarly cold and you cannot smell your food which ultimately makes life meaningless for those few terrible days, that’s the retronasal system being clogged, leaving you unable to taste anything other than the five basics tastes: sweet, savory, sour, bitter, and umami. Taste is 90% smell folks. The more your know.
Anyway, that’s why Green Crack tastes piney and herby on the way in and sweet and tropical on the way out. Imagine if a well made fruity, spicy Thai dish could somehow morph into a delicious nug, nothing about that is close to being a bad thing.
The elation (my fancy dinner party term for “the high”) is almost immediate. The prompt flushing of your cheeks that oh so quickly slides it’s way all over your head and ultimately lands behind your eyes begins before your initial exhale is over. By the end of your second hit, the heart begins to race as if you were climbing your favorite rollercoaster. The anticipation leaves your tummy in butterflies and excitement. Once you’re more than 4-5 hits deep, you suddenly realize whatever calm story your were halfheartedly telling has quickly shifted into a regaled animation, a hyped up performance through which wild gesticulation is unquestionably needed. Also you will be standing now, definitely standing. If you and a few friends decide to venture down the more aggressive bong path or the higher intake route of a johnny, you may even find yourself stunned to silence because your brain has gone from sauntering to sprinting within a few brief moments. Cerebral is nearly an understatement, and when you use a bourgeois term like cerebral and call it understated, that should give you an idea of where this ganj will take you. Hell, my metaphor and pseudo-rambling report on this strain is nothing if not wholly indicative of what Green Crack brings to the table. It’s the type of weed that will invigorate you to shake off your hangover and suit up to climb a mountain. It’ll cause you to look about your messy kitchen, crank up your favorite tunes, rip off your shirt, and gladly dance around washing dishes and scraping off whatever burnt residue that has been staunchly ignored in your microwave. Beware though, for those of you out there who are heroically spastic, annoyingly extroverted, and weirdly excitable *raises hand* then it may have the opposite effect. It’s not the best for those with anxiety either. Your thoughts may be running so fast that your focus gets lost while cleaning and you find yourself looking at your kindergarten yearbook trying to find out who was the hottest teacher. For those type of people, this weed is perfect for show-going or vigorous outdoor activities but not quite for social gatherings. For the rest of the much more normal population, it’s the ultimate chatty-kathy buzz. You’ll find yourself discussing the nuances of why the green power ranger was clearly the best in no time. Pairs well with coffee, public speaking, and jogging. It’s a fantastic aperitif to a fine dinner.
Fresh and floral, sweet and spicy, gorgeous and classic. Green Crack is genuinely the entire package of what you look for in a delicious sativa. Energetic without being speedy, while simultaneously yet peculiarly calming. It is the kind of weed that punches you into bliss and leaves a lasting caress. For those of you who are introverted for reasons other than anxiety, it is the perfect remedy to help crack your shell a bit. For the binge-watching couch potatoes of the world, it’ll either make you want to ride your bike or rewatch an entire season of your favorite show to check for plot holes, both of which are totally acceptable, I am not the judging type! Of course, there is no perfect MaryJane out there, but for those looking for the Pick-me-up-get-up-and-go strain, this little guy is pretty damn close. The name may seem a bit harsh, but it is a blunt way (see what I did there) to describe such a fast paced high. A happy high for happy minds.
*Neat little fact: many people are pushing to change the name to Green Cush (with a C) on accounts of its interesting indica ancestry and because of the negative connotations of it’s name.